


Never Want to go Back Home

by ashottoremember



Category: Bandom, Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys - My Chemical Romance (Album), My Chemical Romance
Genre: 2011, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Cancer, Danger Days Era, Dead Parents, F/M, Gen, Mental Health Issues, My Chemical Romance References, My First AO3 Post, Orphans, Panic Attacks, Platonic Relationships, Separation Anxiety, Touring, Warner Records, World Contamination Tour, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:42:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24744781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashottoremember/pseuds/ashottoremember
Summary: “I’m Ray,” the man introduced himself, continuing to now awkwardly shake her limp hand for a second before dropping it.Behind the group, the man who went to order coffee was coming back, clutching onto his takeaway cup as if it were his most prized possession. He’d taken his glasses off so they wouldn’t get fogged up from the steam, and was eyeing Elle curiously.Elle’s head bounced around to the other familiar faces, before returning to Ray and blurting out, “I am so not qualified for this job.” She felt her cheeks get hot as she heard what she said, and her stomach cramped uncomfortably with anxiety.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

“Come on, Elle, you can do this,” Eleanor mumbled to herself as she stared up at the intimidating building. The label was a longshot, but she was desperate. An orphan 19 year old in LA was a dangerous game to play, and she needed to be smart about this. The fact that she had managed to talk to just the right people to get this interview was amazing. All she needed to do now was get herself inside and into the office, but fear was clawing at her every muscle, begging her not to move. 

In front of her men and women were coming and going from the building’s front entrance, all business, not paying any mind to the timid girl on the sidewalk. A slight breeze blew her short, bleached hair around her face, and Eleanor pulled her leather jacket in closer around her body. She hesitated for only a few more seconds, before pushing herself forward into the building, out of the cool afternoon air. 

She couldn’t stop again, couldn’t think too much about what she was doing. She forced herself to just go until she was at the reception desk for Warner Records looking into the friendly face of the receptionist. 

“Hi, can I help you?” The young woman behind the desk queried, beaming up at Elle. 

Elle’s limbs felt like deadweight at her sides, but she shrugged it off and smiled back at the receptionist. “I’m Eleanor Lane. I have an appointment for 2pm.” 

The receptionist tapped on her keyboard for a moment before confirming Eleanor’s appointment and asking her to take a seat. The ten minutes waiting for her interview were hell, and Elle was doing everything she could to not have a complete panic attack. This was going to be fine. Everything would work out and she would have a new job as the ‘eyes and ears of the label on tour’, whatever that meant. She was pretty sure the job was just a glorified roadie position, but she was up for anything to get out of this town and away from the ghosts of her parents. 

Finally Elle was beckoned into the office to talk with one of the label’s managers. They spoke briefly about Elle’s previous work in freelance music journalism, and her half-completed studies in business management. She explained that she’d had to drop out of college when her dad got sick, and now didn’t have the funds to complete her studies. She left out the part where she no longer had the funds because instead of slowly losing her father to cancer, she had abruptly lost both of her parents in a car accident. 

The manager seemed enthused by everything Eleanor had to say, and was not at all put out by her age or lack of formal education. By the end of the interview, Elle was feeling much more confident with herself, and the pair were chatting like old friends. 

“You have really good energy,” the older woman told Eleanor. “I think I may have a job for you, but you would have to leave by the end of the week and would be travelling internationally. Would that be possible for you?”

Eleanor stopped for a moment. Planes freaked her out a bit, but this was the opportunity of a lifetime. She would stupid to turn it down. Her excitement at the opportunity to get away from this city outweighed her nerves. “Absolutely,”

“Excellent. I’ll pass your details along to Valerie and she will be in contact regarding the logistics. I believe they are flying to Japan for the next leg of the World Contamination tour. Welcome to Warner Records, Eleanor Lane.” 

* * *

The week flew by as Eleanor packed everything she needed into a suitcase. Valerie had emailed her a list of everything she would need to take with her to Japan, and Elle had spent almost the last of her savings making sure she had everything. Luckily her passport and documents were all in order. Before she knew it she was walking into the airport, terrified but ready to embark on a new chapter in her life. 

The label had organised all of her travel and accommodation, all she had to do was make it the airport. She hadn’t even met Valerie in person, but they had spoken in length on the phone, and she had been given contact information of who she was meeting at the airport. She was about to spend almost a full 24hrs on an international flight with people she didn’t even know. Her stomach was doing flips, but at this point it was mostly excitement. 

Elle glanced at her handwritten notes again, checking what Valerie had told her. Apparently their rendezvous location was the airport Starbucks, with plenty of time before they needed to check in and be ready to board the plane. It was still ass o’clock in the morning, and Elle could do with a coffee anyway. It took her 15 minutes to locate the coffee shop, and she was grateful to see that it wasn’t very busy. But then again, it was just before 5am on a Friday morning. 

She ordered a venti caramel macchiato and sipped deeply on it as she waited for whoever it was she was meant to be meeting. She had been told there would be at least six guys that she should recognise. In hindsight, it probably would have been wise to ask for more details about exactly what this job was, but she was so caught up in the excitement of the whole thing she hadn’t thought to ask. 

It was only another five minutes before a group of men in hooded jackets and sunglasses approached the Starbucks, one of them leading the pack and eagerly heading straight for the counter, red hair poking out around his hood and glasses. Elle cleared her throat and stood up to introduce herself awkwardly. 

She approached the group hesitantly, hoping this wasn’t just a random group of guys in the airport at 5am. 

“Hi, I’m with Warner Records. I believe I’m meant to be meeting you here?” she asked quietly to the back of one of the taller men. He had incredibly curly hair that looked like it did not want to be tamed. 

The man turned around to face her with the rest of the group, his eyes surprised. Her heart leapt into her throat, and she stared at the ground, too scared to make eye contact. 

“You must be our tour assistant.” He said friendly, extending a hand towards Elle. “Valerie mentioned you’d be meeting us here, although I didn’t realise you’d be so young.”

Elle hesitantly took his hand, and managed to finally raise her eyes to his. Her hand went limp in his when she realised who she was talking to. Her mouth fell open slightly in an attempt to introduce herself, but no sound escaped her mouth. 

“I’m Ray,” the man introduced himself, continuing to now awkwardly shake her limp hand for a second before dropping it.

Behind the group, the man who went to order coffee was coming back, clutching onto his takeaway cup as if it were his most prized possession. He’d taken his glasses off so they wouldn’t get fogged up from the steam, and was eyeing Elle curiously. 

Elle’s head bounced around to the other familiar faces, before returning to Ray and blurting out, “I am so not qualified for this job.” She felt her cheeks get hot as she heard what she said, and her stomach cramped uncomfortably with anxiety. 

The six men looked at her uncertainly, but didn’t say anything. 

“I just mean,” Elle tried to breathe and think and explain herself, but she felt as if her brain was bouncing around the inside of her skull. “I was expecting a small indie band or something not….” she gestured loosely towards the six guys. 

Of course she recognised them, even if she didn’t know their names. You don’t experience the turmoil of a parent with cancer without finding solace in an album like The Black Parade. It was also pretty inescapable for a while. But what the hell was Valerie thinking pairing her up with a band like My Chemical Romance for her first job in this field. She still wasn’t completely clear on what she was meant to be doing. 

“Are you our new babysitter?” the red-headed guy in the back smirked at Elle over his coffee. 

“I’m Eleanor Lane,” she said quietly, staring into the middle distance, unable to focus on anyone any longer. “I’m your tour assistant.” 

Ray stepped up beside her, placing a hand gently on her shoulder to get her to refocus. “This is Gerard, Mikey, Frank, James and Mike,” he told her, pointing at each of the men in turn. 

The names were familiar and she tried to store them away for safekeeping, but the words felt like mud in her brain. 

“Sorry,” Elle said, turning towards Ray but not looking up to meet his eyes. “I’m just a little overwhelmed. I need to make a call, if you’ll excuse me.” 

Elle moved as calmly as she could away from the group and fumbled with her new company provided cellphone. There must have been some kind of mistake. How would anyone in their right mind think it was a good idea to send a 19 year old new hire on tour with a platinum selling band? 

When Valerie answered the phone she sounded far more awake than Elle had expected for 5am. “I thought you might call,” Valerie stated as a form of a greeting. 

“I’m sorry to disturbed you,” Elle kept her voice low, even though she was far enough away that the guys wouldn’t be able to hear her. “I’m just not sure that I have gotten the right brief.”

“You’re accompanying My Chemical Romance on their Asian leg of the Contamination World Tour.” Valerie droned out as if this was completely reasonable. 

“You’re sure you meant to send the newly hired 19 year old girl to be the tour assistant to a multi-platinum band?” Elle was incredulous, surely this was some elaborate joke. An obscure hazing ritual perhaps?

“Yes,” Valerie said simply. “Unless for some reason that is not manageable for you?” 

Elle was silent. 

“Now, I do believe you need to organise those boys, and I do mean boys, into check-in. I recommend you get them to the gate an hour before boarding.” Valerie terminated the call without another word, and Elle was left there reeling. 

She turned back around slowly after a minute, trying to organise her thoughts into a cohesive list of tasks. The shortest member, Frank, gave her a cheesy grin and waved at her while the others were chatting about other things. 

With a deep breath, Elle smoothed her white blonde hair behind her ears, and marched back to the group. She could do this. There had to be a reason that Valerie believed she was capable of this, so she would prove her right. 

“Sorry about that, guys,” Elle said once she was within earshot again. “Just needed to confirm a few details. Now, I do believe we should get these bags checked in and start this ball rolling.” She smiled at them confidently, even though internally she was screaming. _What have you gotten yourself into this time, Eleanor?_

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

They had 40 minutes to spare by the time Elle got them all settled into the boarding lounge. There had been complications with checking the luggage as the attendant had repeatedly explained they couldn’t have that many bags, even though it had been pre-booked. Elle had to negotiate with the attendant that there was a misunderstanding until another employee came over and fixed the issue. 

Going through security had also been fun, as Frank was immediately profiled as a terrorist apparently. Probably the fact that he’s inked almost head-to-toe and tattoos indicate delinquency it would seem. The security guards bomb checked him twice and thoroughly searched him. Frank was a good sport about the whole thing, but maybe cracking jokes as airport security gropes around your pants for weapons is not the best idea. 

It was a relief when Elle was finally able to relax into a plush couch in the airline lounge with a complimentary cup of coffee. She pulled out her phone to check if she had any messages, and went over her briefing that was emailed through from Valerie. It was a very broad outline of the sorts of tasks she should be completing, omitting the high profile clients she was assigned to. 

Elle looked up from her phone as someone flopped down into the seat next to her. 

“Hi, I thought I’d come and properly meet you. I’m Frank,” he smiled at her broadly and extended a hand which she shook obediently. 

“Eleanor,” she responded quietly. She knew she was painfully shy, and hated herself for it, but not only were these strange older men, they were also celebrities. 

“We don’t bite, you know,” he said softly, looking at her gently. Clearly her tension was obvious. 

“Yeah, of course,” she waved her hand dismissively, trying to smile but grimacing instead. “I’ve just been dropped in the deep end a little bit. Don’t mean to disappoint you guys.” She looked down at her scuffed up boots and hid her face behind a cascade of hair. 

“Hey, you’re not disappointing us.” Frank reached a hand out to the armrest of her chair, but respectfully didn’t touch her. She looked up at him then. “I’m actually kinda pissed that they would just dump you in like this. That’s not at all fair.” 

Elle’s cheeks flamed red, “Oh no no don’t worry about it! Sorry, I shouldn’t have even said anything. Is there anything I can get you?”

Frank smiled at her gently, but he looked sad behind his eyes. He shook his head, “I’m fine thank-you. I might just call my wife before leave.” 

Elle left Frank where he was to get a refill on her coffee. The caffeine addiction didn’t do anything for her anxiety, but the warmth of it was so comforting that she couldn’t help herself. 

“You drink almost as much coffee as my brother and me,” 

Elle jumped in fright at the sudden voice behind her, spilling her coffee all over the table and scalding her hand. 

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you.” The man from behind her swooped forward, grabbing some serviettes to help with the mess. 

Shakily Elle mopped up her side of the mess, and looked up at who had caused her such a fright. Red hair swooped over half of his face, and his baby-toothed grin beamed at her. 

“I’m so sorry, I’m a bit on edge this morning,” she said, trying to remember how to breathe and get her heart to settle down. Maybe she didn’t need another cup of coffee. 

“I am very sorry I scared you. Are you okay?” He stood up straight again and they were about eye height with each other. 

“Yeah, yeah. Maybe the universe is telling me I’ve had enough coffee for now.” 

“No such thing, if you ask me,” 

Elle smiled tightly, but didn’t know what else to say. The silence grew between them. 

“They really didn’t tell you much about this job, did they?” he asked her after a minute of awkwardness. 

Elle stiffly shook her head, still unable to breathe evenly. It was partially the caffeine, partially her anxiety, and a lot to do with his voice. That voice had sung to her while she was curled in a ball crying out everything she felt. His voice was one that had comforted her through so much over the past year, and now he was standing right in front of her, smiling. The moment was surreal, and her brain was refusing to accept what was happening. 

Eventually she managed to unlatch her jaw to speak. “I’m sorry. You really caught me off guard. I…” she hesitated, trying to think of how to explain why she was acting so strange. 

“You’re very young.” He eyed her up and down then. “Are you even 21 yet?”

Again Elle stiffly shook her head. “No, sir, I’m nineteen. I’ll be twenty in April.”

“Please, call me Gerard.” He looked at her sympathetically then, “You must be very talented, Eleanor.” 

“I think I’m just unlucky,” she muttered without thinking. 

He looked at her quizzically then.

“I mean,” she quickly continued, “not this. This is actually an amazing job. Your music actually helped me a lot with stuff in the last few years.” She felt like her face was on fire, but couldn’t manage to make herself shut up. She stared intently at the floor, hoping she would just disappear, praying that this wasn’t actually happening. “I just seem to end up in bad situations a lot.” She finished quietly, scrunching up the dirty serviette in her hands. Her heart was pounding in her chest hard and she thought she might be sick. 

“I’m glad our music was able to help you,” 

She dared to glance up at him then, and a very gentle smile was playing around his lips. 

“That’s why we do all this.” He made two cups of coffee and handed one to her. 

Elle let out a relieved sigh. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

“You apologise too much,” he smiled at her warmly again, and she felt less embarrassed. 

The pair returned to the couches everyone else had relaxed into. The guys all made small talk as Elle quietly sipped on her coffee, not trusting herself to say anything. 

She was relieved when the call came that they were ready to board the plane - no further opportunities for her to put her foot in her mouth. Dutifully, she looked around to make sure everyone was accounted for and they hadn’t left anything behind. 

As she walked down the ramp connected to the plane, she realised what she was doing. She was really about to board an international flight to join My Chemical Romance on a world tour. Her parents would have never even believed her. 

Everyone settled into their assigned seats. Eleanor ensured all of their belongings were stored appropriately before taking her seat in between Frank and Mikey. Frank was on the aisle so if she wanted out she was going to have to hassle him. She was silently thankful that they had already talked a bit, so it would hopefully not be as awkward. 

They had business class seats, which meant there was a reasonable amount of room for each person. The seats reclined fully and each had a pillow, blanket and screen set up. It looked like it was going to be a comfortable flight. 

Despite the many things that spiked Elle’s anxiety, she had always loved take off. The adrenaline pumping as you felt the world drop out from underneath you. The pressure of the world as you ascended away from the ground. 

The way Mikey’s knuckles whitened on his armrest suggested he did not share her enjoyment of the process. He looked calm, but his shoulders were tense and he was focusing on breathing evenly. Eleanor eyed him warily, but he seemed fine once the plane levelled out. 

The guys made some small talk, but Eleanor didn’t pay much attention. Despite all of the caffeine she had consumed that morning, the stress and lack of sleep from the previous night were catching up with her. She felt her eyelids start to become heavy, and it wasn’t long until sleep washed over her. 

* * *

Elle’s eyes fluttered open in a panic as her bedroom shuddered around her. As she spun her head around she realised she wasn’t in her bedroom at all. In fact she didn’t recognise where she was, or who the hell was sitting next to her. Frantically she tried to get her bearings. 

“Hey, Eleanor, are you okay?” 

She looked up into concerned brown eyes. Frank. She was sitting next to Frank Iero. She was on a flight to Japan. The memories started to fill back in. 

“Sorry, I didn’t remember where I was.” She swallowed hard, trying to ward off the threatening panic attack. It had been months since she had woken up in a panic, and the last thing she needed was for it to start again while she was meant to be working.

The cabin shook violently again, and Elle’s hand clamped onto Frank’s arm without even thinking. The panic wasn’t going to just go away. She needed to get to her bag and take a valium. 

“It’s just a bit of turbulence.” Frank said calmly, turning to face more towards her. 

The walls were feeling like they were closing in around her. She needed to get out. Out of the seat, out of the plane. She couldn’t be here. She couldn’t do this. 

“Shit.” She looked at Frank directly, pleading silently that he would just understand what was happening. That she wouldn’t have to explain it. She was humiliated. She couldn’t even make it through a single day on her job without having her mental health deteriorate.

“You look really pale. Do you need some water?” He reached out and rubbed her arm with his free hand then. The touch was comforting, but not enough to stop the attack. 

“This is incredibly unprofessional,” she said quickly, just needing to get it out. It would feel better once it was out. “I have panic disorder. I need my medication.” She then clenched her jaw closed, for fear of vomiting in his lap. 

Without another word Frank hopped up and pulled down Eleanor’s carry-on bag. He handed it to her so she could get what she needed. 

With shaky hands she pulled out her pill bottle and threw back the medication dry. She closed her eyes, and leant back in her seat, waiting for it to take effect. She didn’t have the energy to put her bag back away properly, but felt hands gently taking the bottle from her and heard the compartment click closed a minute later. 

Eleanor sat with her eyes closed just breathing until she trusted herself to not to spew or pass out. Slowly she opened her eyes again, embarrassed that she had just shown such weakness in front of her clients. 

“I’m so sorry. That was incredibly unprofessional of me.” She said quietly, looking at Frank timidly. 

“Fuck professional,” he said solemnly. “It’s not your fault that you have panic attacks. Are you feeling better?” He gently squeezed her shoulder. 

“Yes, thank-you so much for your help.”

“Don’t worry about it. That one,” Frank pointed past her at Mikey who was passed out in his seat, “drugs himself up everytime we fly because he’s so scared. And his brother,” Frank pointed over his shoulder at Gerard he was clutching a pillow tightly and trying to focus on a movie, “is not much better.” 

Eleanor smiled to herself. _They’re just people_ she thought, and it comforted her. They weren’t some omnipotent beings. They were just people with people problems just like her. 

“But you like flying?” Eleanor asked him.

“I mean, we do a lot of it, so I’ve gotten used to it. Mostly it’s just boring. What do you do for fun, Eleanor?” 

“Please, call me Elle. Eleanor is what my parents would call me if I was in trouble.” 

“Would?” he queried, and Elle regretted her phrasing. 

“They’re not with us anymore. It’s just me,” she smiled at him sadly. 

“I’m so sorry. I know what it’s like to lose family like that, but I can’t imagine losing both your parents.”

“Yeah, well, music helped me process a lot of it.” She blushed a little again, but assumed now that one of them knew they would all find out eventually. 

“Dude, how rad is music? It just explains so much that you can’t voice sometimes!” He beamed at her. 

They then proceeded to exchange music tastes and bonded over their experiences at gigs. Elle had always loved the punk scene, and snuck into a lot of shows when she was still in high school. They spoke for hours until Frank grew drowsy and started to drift off to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Eleanor was happily distracting herself with a book when Mikey stirred next to her. He grumbled in discomfort, and she looked up to see him looking pale. His hands clutched desperately at his arm rests. 

“Are you okay?” She asked, already sensing his stress. Not only did she have her own anxieties to combat, but she often picked up on other people’s as well. 

“I don’t like flying. Usually try to sleep the whole time, but this is a long flight.” He clenched his jaw as he spoke. 

“Can I do anything to help?” 

“Do you have any valium?” he smirked at her to indicate he was joking.

“I actually do…”

His eyes bugged out, “You know the whole label providing musicians with drugs thing went out of style a while back.”

“I have panic disorder.” She clarified, raising her hands slightly. _Fuck it,_ Eleanor thought, _they’re going to find out sooner or later._

“Oh...I’m sorry,” he shifted awkwardly in his seat again. “I, uh, I get panic attacks too.” He swallowed hard. 

“Do you have something from your doctor to help?”

He shook his head tightly, clenching tighter at his armrests. “I ran out,” The cabin shook slightly with turbulence and Mikey’s face paled considerably.

“Mikey, you need to breathe,” Eleanor tried to angle herself so she could look at him more directly. 

“I think I’m going to be sick,” he murmured, shaking his head and not looking at her. He stood up abruptly and shuffled past her awkwardly. There was plenty of room between the seats, but a sudden tremour of turbulence sent Mikey backwards into Frank’s lap, waking him up. 

“You good, dude?” Frank asked groggily, not completely recognising who was sitting on him. 

Mikey pushed himself up haphazardly and murmured something as he stumbled towards the bathroom. 

Eleanor watched after him nervously. 

“He’ll be ok,” Frank told her, stretching in his seat. “He’s flown hundreds of times. He can look after himself.” 

“Yeah, of course,” Elle smiled shyly at Frank, embarrassed at herself. 

“I feel like we should be looking after you, not vice versa,” he smiled at her, turning on his side to face her. 

Elle bristled. “I’m here to do a job. And maybe I’m not going to be any good at it, but I’m going to try.”

He fully laughed then. “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to be rude. I’ve just recently become a father and feel the need to protect all the time now. I don’t mean to patronise you.”

“Sorry, that was harsh. Ever since losing my parents I’ve had to fight a lot for any respect. I’m a bit defensive.” She smiled at him apologetically. 

“That sucks, dude. Are you okay now?” 

With a half-hearted nod she responded, “Yeah,”

“Yeah?” he looked at her more intently, seeing through the lie, and smiled softly. “You will be.”

Elle felt her heart swell in her chest. It was the most comforting thing anyone had said to her in months. Frank seemed to be able to understand what she was really feeling, and it didn’t scare her like it normally would. He made her feel safe, and she appreciated him for it. 

She smiled back at him, and changed the subject. She hated talking about herself. “You have a baby?”

“Twin girls actually.” 

“Oh wow! That must be exhausting for you and your wife. How old are they?”

“Only a few months,” he sighed, “It was so hard to leave them.”

“How did you get your wife to agree to that?” Elle smiled to let him know she was joking. 

“I’m actually really annoying when I’m not making music or touring. Jamia basically kicked me out of the house.” His laugh soothed over Elle, and her eyes started to grow heavy. Frank continued to talk about his new family while Elle dozed off finally.

Elle woke up again when Mikey returned and shortly after that they had food delivered to them. The rest of the flight Elle and Mikey drifted in and out of sleep, waking only when the flight attendants needed their attention. As far as long-haul flights go, it was fairly uneventful. Elle wasn’t sure what Mikey had done in the bathroom, but since then he was more relaxed and kept to himself the rest of the flight. 

It felt like they had been on the plane for a week when the announcement finally came that they were ready to start their descent into Osaka. Relief washed over Elle that she would finally be on solid ground again. She looked around to check that everyone was seated and belted in, and noticed that Ray had fallen asleep on Gerard’s shoulder, pinning him into his seat. She smirked to herself, and pointed them out to Frank. 

“That’s cute,” he laughed, “I wonder how long he’s going to let Ray sleep before his anxiety about landing kicks in.” 

Elle smiled tightly, and prepared herself for landing. As much as take off was exhilarating, the slow falling feeling of descent did not excite her at all. She clutched her arm rest tightly as she felt them lowering in the sky. There was still a fair amount of turbulence due to poor weather conditions. The shaking of the plane as it dropped in the air made her stomach flip. One particularly bad shudder made her gasp audibly. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Frank reached out and squeezed her hand to comfort her. She looked up into his eyes and felt safe again. 

“Sorry,” she said quietly, embarrassed again and how unprofessional she was being. 

“Please stop apologising. You’re human, and you’re so much better than Gerard.” Frank pointed over his shoulder where Gerard appeared to be clenching Ray’s arm in a vice grip. “I swear he once almost broke my hand on a landing.” 

Elle smiled briefly at the thought before the plane shook again and she latched onto Frank’s arm with her other hand. 

“We’re nearly down. Not too much longer,” he soothed, rubbing his finger over her hand rhythmically. 

Elle hadn’t felt so safe with someone since she had lost her parents. There was something about Frank that comforted her. She wasn’t someone who trusted easily, but he made it seem like she could. Perhaps this job would let her live out her dreams and also heal old wounds at the same time. 

After a few more minutes of clinging desperately to Frank, Eleanor felt the plane touchdown with a shudder throughout the cabin. Relief washed over her as the brakes activated and they pulled into the terminal. 

Elle was surprised to realise that Mikey had been asleep for the whole landing. She nudged him gently to wake him up, and he smiled at her dreamily. 

“We’ve landed. It’s time to go,” she told him quietly. 

He nodded his head at her and fumbled around to get out of his seat. It was currently the early afternoon in Osaka, but the weather was cold and miserable. Rain was pelting against the windows of the plane. 

They disembarked the plane before the rest of the passengers and were led into another private lounge. Elle had never really thought about it before, but you never saw those first and business class passengers waiting around to disembark or collect their bags. 

Eleanor pulled up their itinerary and spoke to one of the airport staff about the procedure they needed to follow. Customs, baggage collection, transportation, hotel. She listed the tasks in her mind, and then corralled the group together. She handed each of them their passport, which she had collected before boarding the plane. Valerie had highly recommended not leaving them in charge of such important documentation. 

Standing in front of the group she felt like a teacher on a school excursion, except that these were all full adult men and she wasn’t even legal drinking age back home. Still, she determinedly swallowed against her nerves and rattled off the procedure they were going to follow. 

“Importantly, if you have any open medications, food or liquid products, please let me know now and we can ensure it’s indicated correctly on your declaration slips.” She concluded. 

Most of them look pretty bored with the whole spiel, no doubt being very aware of the protocols. They started to head towards the exit and to customs when Mikey tapped on Elle’s shoulder. 

“What’s up?” she asked him. 

“I, uh, have something that might actually be a problem getting through customs.” He swallowed hard, and Elle’s heart rate picked up. She hadn’t actually considered what she would have to do if there was a problem. 

“What kind of something?” 

“Just some prescription meds to help me fly. But they’re not all in my name,” his voice was low, and he kept glancing in the direction of his brother. Clearly this was something no-one else was aware of. 

“What kind of meds and how much?” Elle didn’t even consider to ask why they weren’t in his name, she was already trying to solve the problem.

“Sedative sort of things,” he pulled her into a more secluded spot and rummaged around his bag to produce three pill bottles. 

She took them from him and started to look at the labels closely. “These are all you have?”

Mikey half nodded his head, “They’re the ones not in my name. The others shouldn’t be a problem, right?” He looked around again and licked his lips nervously. 

Reading the labels Elle recognised that these were fairly strong drugs, one of which she was pretty sure was classed as an opioid. Her mind ran through their options of what to do. 

“Do you need these? Like actually need these? Because the only solution I can see right now is to throw them in one of the bins before the declaration.” Elle looked up at him intently, keeping her features serious. She had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach that he didn’t have these just for flying. 

Mikey’s face was pained as he shook his head. “I can survive,” he said quietly. He suddenly snatched them from her hand and removed them from view as a shadow fell over them.

“You guys ok? We’re waiting for you.” Gerard smiled nervously between the two of them, his red hair greasily clinging to his forehead. 

“We’re coming now,” Elle smiled at Gerard. “Mikey was just feeling a bit sick from having been in the air so long.” She turned back to Mikey and squeezed his arm in warning, “That vertigo feeling will pass soon. We just need to get to the hotel now.” 

The group continued off towards customs, and Elle saw Mikey surreptitiously deposit the three containers in one of the bins to be destroyed. Her concern over why he had them dissipated as she continued to focus on getting everyone out of the airport and into bed as soon as possible.


	4. Chapter 4

They managed to get through customs and to the hotel without much stress. Ray accompanied Elle to the reception desk to check-in and get their room keys. They had four rooms booked for the seven of them, so everyone except Elle had to share. 

Elle consulted her notes as she dispatched the keys. 

“Mike and James are in one room together. Mikey and Gerard are sharing another. Frank and Ray are in the adjoining room to mine.” She looked up. “All good?” 

“Why do I always have to bunk with my brother,” Mikey groaned, looking for all intents and purposes like a little kid.

“Because you’re less likely to fuck,” Frank laughed. 

Mikey and Elle both blushed at the comment, but for different reasons.   


“Frank, don’t be so crude,” he chastised, flashing an apologetic smile towards Elle. He looked absolutely exhausted, and she wondered if he’d managed to sleep at all on the flight. 

Frank at least looked abashed and didn’t comment any further. 

“Come on, you guys need to get some sleep. Big day tomorrow.” Elle hefted her small bag over her shoulder again, and headed towards the lifts. A bellhop had already taken their luggage up to their rooms for them. 

The lift ride up the guys were all cracking jokes and having a good time, except for Gerard who looked like he was about to fall asleep on his feet. 

They all went their separate ways once they reached their floor. Elle gratefully flopped herself onto the bed when she got into her room. She felt like it had been weeks since she had been able to properly just relax. The room still felt like it was shaking a bit from the flight messing with her balance, but she was so relieved for a break. 

Propping herself up on her elbows, she took a brief look around the room. It was pretty swanky; not like anything she would have stayed in herself. There was a small kitchenette setup in the corner with complimentary tea and coffee, and a small living area near the window. The bed was spacious, with chocolates on the pillows. Her large suitcase was already deposited next to the wardrobe for her. The bathroom for this room connected to Frank and Ray’s room, and so the door was securely closed. 

She kicked off her shoes and slipped under the covers still in her clothes. In a matter of minutes she had dozed off with the lights still on. 

* * *

Elle’s eyes flew open in confusion as she tried to remember where she was. A glance to the bedside table showed a clock glowing 12:40am. Osaka. She was in a hotel in Osaka. She took a deep breath and slipped out of the bed to get a drink of water. Stupid jetlag was going to make her day hell, but at least she wasn’t anxious. 

Returning to the bed with her water, she pulled open her small bag and grabbed her sketchbook to doodle in and see if she fell back asleep again. She flipped the TV on low for some background noise; Elle had never been a fan of too much quiet. It made her uncomfortable. 

After a little while she heard a door slide open on the TV, but didn’t look up to see what show was on. It was all in Japanese anyway. 

“Can’t sleep either?” 

Elle jumped a metre high in her bed, dropping her sketchbook and pencils onto the floor, and let out a loud shriek. 

“Shhh. I’m sorry! I thought you heard me open the door!” Frank rushed over to her and picked up her dropped pencils and book.

Elle pressed her hand against her chest as she caught her breath. “I thought it was the TV,” she breathed, looking up at him. He was staring at her drawing. 

“Please don’t look at that!” She snatched the book out of his hands and embarrassment. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It’s really good. I should just leave. I am so sorry. I saw your light on and wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Elle clutched the skull she had been drawing to her chest, watching Frank back up towards the adjoining door.

“N-no. It’s okay,” she closed the book and put it down. “I can’t sleep. Did you want some company?” 

He smiled at her then and relaxed. “Toro’s conked out but listening to his snores was getting tedious. Do you mind?” he indicated the kettle and she shook her head. 

“I don’t think I’m getting anymore sleep for a while either.” She slipped out of bed again, still in her jeans from the past few days, and turned the kettle on. 

“This isn’t weird, is it?” Frank was still hovering near the bathroom door, his hands in his pockets, also still wearing the same jeans from the flight. 

“No? Unless you think it is?” she leant against the bench top, looking at him cautiously. 

“I’m not great at reading situations.”

“Neither am I, but I dunno, you don’t make me uncomfortable or anything. Plus, no offence, you’re not my type.” 

Frank’s eyebrows shot up at that one, and he took a step forward. “Oh? And what is your type, Miss Eleanor?” his voice was teasing and a smirk was spreading across his face. 

“Charming, creative and  _ female _ ,” she shot back at him, a matching smirk spreading across her face. 

“I knew there was a reason we gelled so well on the flight - we have the same taste in partners.” 

Eleanor started giggling at that, and she turned around to pour hot water into the coffees so that he couldn’t see how red her face was. She wasn’t one to openly share that information with strangers, but she felt like she could trust Frank. She couldn’t explain it, they just seemed to be in sync. 

She turned around and handed Frank his coffee. “Do you want to, um, sit?” she pointed towards the chairs initially, then realised they had bags and various other things on them. So instead she pulled the doona flat over the bed and indicated for him to sit on the other side. 

Frank hesitated as she got comfortable and pulled up the remote. 

“Please sit down,” she sighed, rolling her eyes at him. “This bed is big enough for both your kids to sleep in as well and still none of us would ever touch.” 

He smiled at that and plonked down on the other side of the bed, curling his feet up underneath him. He curled his heavily tattooed hands around the mug and inhaled the steam. 

Eleanor picked up the remote and started surfing through the channels to find something to watch. They both had their eyes glued to the screen as she clicked through and Frank sipped his drink. 

“So you’re an artist?” he asked after a minute. 

Eleanor flushed deeply, but kept her eyes on the screen. She could see Frank look at her in her peripheral vision. 

“No, I just doodle to relax,” she clicked through a few more channels before finding a Japanese horror movie. There weren’t any subtitles, but it looked interesting enough to watch, and she placed the remote down between them. 

“Well you’re very good,” Frank continued,”You should show Gerard. He’s an amazing artist. I’m sure he’d love to talk about it with you.” 

She knew he was trying to be friendly, but it was making her uncomfortable. No-one was ever meant to see her art, it was just a form of venting her emotions. The things she drew were often disturbing and intense, and she never wanted to advertise that to other people. She’d made that mistake once and her parents tried to put her into therapy, deciding she was deeply disturbed. 

“I don’t show people my drawings,” she said quietly, indicating she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. 

Frank took a long sip before responding. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude…”

“It’s fine,”

“You’re talented, and I know Gee is super passionate about his art stuff, but none of us are really any good like him.”

“It’s fine, dude, it’s whatever.” 

Frank snorted, “Dude…”

“What?” Elle looked at him then. “Am I only allowed to call you Frank? Or Mr….” she trailed off not remembering his surname.

“Iero,” he provided. 

“Eye ear oh?” she laughed openly at that. “Did your parents really hate you or something?” 

“Fuck off,” he shoved her lightly, “Frank Anthony Iero Jr., after my father and my grandfather.” He told her proudly. 

“I’m not surprised, it sounds like a grandfather name.” 

“You literally have an old lady name!” 

“Fair point,” she shrugged, taking another sip of her coffee. 

“My dad and granddad are why I got into music. They were always in bands,” he shuffled a bit closer and pulled up the sleeve of his shirt to show her his shoulder. “This is my granddad. He's my hero.” 

Elle looked at the detail in the tattoo closely, it was like a photograph on his shoulder. “Do you play with him?”

“Not anymore,” he sounded sad, and moved back to his side of the bed. Elle looked up at him then. “He’s not who he was anymore. It’s hard watching him disappear,”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to pry,” 

“It’s fine. At least he’s still here and he gets to meet his great-grandchildren.” Frank smiled at her sadly. 

“Yeah, you’re lucky,” she smiled sadly back at him, thinking of her parents, the sense of longing to talk to them aching in her chest. 

“Ah fuck that was really insensitive.” Frank tipped his head back to finish off his coffee, and put the mug down on the bedside table. “Did you want to talk about it?” 

“It’s nothing you need to worry about,” Eleanor shrugged him off, finishing her own coffee and fixing her gaze on the horror movie. 

“I really don’t mind. Like, if you want to.” He scooted around so he was facing her, a pillow on his lap with his hands resting on top. 

Elle sighed and turned to face him as well, curling her knees up under her chin. “If I start thinking about it I’m going to cry,”

“Haven’t you spoken to other friends or family about what happened?”

Elle shook her head slowly and hid her face from him, breathing deeply. When she lifted her head again she couldn’t make eye contact. “I don’t have anyone else. When my dad got sick all of my friends left me. I was too busy looking after him and working three jobs to help pay his medical bills. I had to drop out of college and stop socialising. No-one was sympathetic.”

“That sucks so much, I’m so sorry.” 

Elle waved a hand at him. “It’s whatever. I already blurted out to Gerard that your music helped me with a lot of it.” She glanced quickly at Frank to gauge his reaction to that and was surprised to see him blushing. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to hearing that.”

“Sorry,” she mumbled quietly into her knees. “It was just comforting hearing words that expressed how I was feeling at the time. Made it easier to process that I was going to lose my dad to cancer.”

“I’m confused though...you said you lost both your parents?” 

“Um, yeah, there was an accident. Mum was driving dad home from getting his treatment and he was feeling really sick. She looked over for a second to check he was okay and didn’t see the truck that had lost control and was on the wrong side of the road.” Tears prickled behind Elle’s eyes and she tried to blink them back unsuccessfully. “I’m sorry, I told you I would cry,” she tried to laugh it off, but her heart was squeezing in her chest painfully. 

“Elle, I’m so sorry,” she heard Frank say. She was hugging her knees tightly now, her face hidden from view. She hated crying in front of people and was incredibly embarrassed. A second later she felt warmth around her and realised that Frank was hugging her. Letting go of her knees she reached out and hugged him back. It had been so long since someone had held her and comforted her properly. She clung tightly onto him and sobbed openly, apologising constantly. 

“Please let it out. It’s alright.” 

He held onto her and let her cry until she felt like she had no tears left. Finally they broke apart. Frank made sure she was okay before excusing himself to go have a smoke outside and while he was gone Elle dozed off to sleep for a few more hours before morning. The crying had really worn her out. 

  



End file.
